Archive for August, 2013


August 17, 2013

Sun shining,blue skies, window open to let in the beautiful breezes, with puffy off white clouds above, feels comfortable. How splendid. Speaking scholastically, there are many deterrents to interrupt the learning process. Many of these are commonly known. At the age of ten I was pulled out of olqm in Forest Hills, Qns. I was comfortable and enjoyed that school very much. I was happy to go to school regardless of what was transpiring daily.Although being hospitalized on several occasions, I managed to keep up with the studies. My father was going to Maryland to join a law practice “Davis and Mears” Went to hca in D.C. Enjoyed that school very much and was progressing nicely. Graduated there and went to hca in Kensington for h.s. Of I like that too. Secretly thought I could go to Dunbarton College in D.C. However that wasn’t the case. The family moved to the midwest. There was a sense of stability slowly draining from a sense of belonging somewhere. How I wished there was a school without grades and pressures of tests one after another? I would say secretly to myself. Montessori is now in existance which is a great tool for learning. My sisters and brother went to college. Unfortunately I didn’t. If Montessori was in existance when I was much younger, I would have excelled. Regrets never change the past and worry never changes the future.


August 13, 2013

Even though having lived in Ind.,Ohio,Ala., and not really being attuned to that atmosphere: kept in touch with certain friends still living there after all these years. Recently an accurate description of myself is cosmopolitan. Hooray for “chock full of nuts” especially at this hour. Along with that same thought have been interested in the neighbourhoods that changed and rechanged. Places like Detroit where people have lived there regardless in spite of everything. The endless courage of people who have monthly meetings to air their views in rational ways, finding solutions. Making life better one step at a time with community intervention. One way is taking down many dilapidated buildings, clearing space for gardens and this is done through private enterprises instead of city funds. Watched an explosive powerfully intense movie”Inhale” which would be listed as somewhat of a documentary about the illegal trafficing of organs and the ramifications of the resulted actions. It is a secret that takes place daily without anyone blinking. Read online about the fda not approving combined prescribed drugs and the demise of more than several individuals. Really getting to like this state, as I did Md., and the state of N.Y. Went to Pope Farm Conservatory Park recently and it was spectacular. The views of individual and collective beauty was breathtaking. It was so that there is an indelible photo in my minds computer while doing this. If once people don’t necessarily have to travel long distances to appreciate and rediscouver what is next to them.


August 4, 2013

This title was used frequently by my father in reference to me. He would always talk in riddles so I didn’t pay much or if any attention. However out of curiousity these many years later looked up the definition. Believe it or not it was complimentary and coming from him, it was extraordinary. As I went into the house, it was unusually quiet, as all were sleeping. I climbed the stairs and for some reason it was crackling at every sound I was making even though I was as softly as possible. Turned the door knob to the room and entered. Couldn’t go to sleep obviously so I looked out the bedroom window and viewed a bright star in the totally black sky. That star showed I wasn’t completely alone, that for some reason I had company. One day went into another without any notice from me as I was bound with several emotions all at once yet couldn’t say or show them. Just bottled it up as usual. Then exactly three weeks to the day John left, I got a letter from him postmarked Phoenix. I again carefully opened it. It was polite, respectful like the rest. It started out as “My Dearest Grace,” Went on after the cordialities, by saying that I got this girl pregnant and had to marry her, didn’t love her either. John said ” I love you”:someday you will find someone who is worthy of you”. The letter was a page long. I took all his letters and photo and burned them in the incinerator. I cried and cried till there weren’t any tears to fall from my eyes. Then thought of the conversation we had, thought that I made a good decision as I turned down his proposal. I thought to myself I was very unhappy then and bringing a child into the world just wouldn’t be good at that time. I was infatuated with John. Why ruin my life and his too? Better to have loved and lost{ which in my case I won) than never to have loved at all. Glad I had that experience.


August 3, 2013

While totally yanked from under the surroundings of a beautiful place, without any questions asked beforehand as to a choice, it all boiled down to a me syndome. While the only bright spot in my life were the endless love letters that came frequently to the new address. I personally would separate secretly the mail from the letters each time they came. They were in my life, and no one else’s in the family. Occasionally my mother would go to the postbox before me and mention ” You got another letter from John” Now how many is that? I wouldn’t answer or make up something like ” I don’t know, or I wasn’t counting”. I would go up in my room, close the door as my heart would pitter-pat as I carefully open the letter address to me. As both of us were now seventeen still in school and activities in different states, we still made the time to script. On weekends my sister Anne suggested that we go to a neighborhood movie. We would both go and enjoy different movies as the usher would give us free tickets to see two movies at once. Anne said the usher thought I was cute and actually wanted my phone number. Anne was very talkative and gave him the number. His name was Andy Morris. He would call the house and ask for me. Anne would talk a long time with him about nothing particular. I would say I was busy each time he called. Actually I was thinking of John. Anne was still friends with Andy. She and Vivian would go to see the free movies. My liking all kinds of sports, I went to a basketball game and a boy was flirting with me. His name was Bob Patterson. He said hi as I did too. He would smile each time he saw me. I really didn’t pay any attention to him. I was thinking of John. In his letters he said he was going to quit school and join the Navy. Which he did. He was stationed at the Great Lakes Naval base in Waukegan, Ill. Still the letters came from there. Told me about naval life, early rising, scrubbing the deck. Along with the letter was a picture in a sailor uniform. How I held it. As we turned eighteen the love letters continued to come. I by that time was babysitting on weekends. I’ve always loved kids. It was enjoyable. Noticed that my father would go into an alcove adjacent to the kitchen and take a bottom of whiskey from the cabinet below the ledge, with a glass closet filled with dishes and glasses above that. While looking around the corner of the kitchen saw many more assorted bottles there on the ledge. Of course didn’t say a word to anyone. He would drink often after coming home from work too. As our birthdays turned into another year, more love letters. As dinnertime was just about to commense there was a knock on the door. It was John and another follow much younger. My parents didn’t welcome him. He asked if he could speak to me, as he was very polite? My father uttered something and called me from the table. John another fellow and I walked outside to the corner at the end of the street. As the sun was just beginning to set in the glorious colours John and I started to talk. The other fellow waited in the car until the conversation ended. He said ” I love you” said that he wanted me to go with him. I said” John you’ve changed” He didn’t look the same” Not in a physical way yet in another way which was unexplainable. My father said ” he looked like he had been rolling drunks” Didn’t really believe anything my father said. John said ” He had run away from home”. I told John that I wouldn’t go with him. He cried and so did I. It was a three hours since he had arrived. Went back into the house.

“Yanged From Under”

August 1, 2013

In early August so many years ago, recalled riding through the beautiful state of Pennsylvania on the turnpike going at high speed while keeping up with the adjacent traffic. Then on to Columbus which was very unimpressive and riding further west to reach Indpls. Yes the Midwest, very unlikable as to the East Coast. Places like Jones Beach which was huge beautiful. Speaking of oceans there was Cape May,in N.J. and Rehobeth Beach in Del. Rock Creek Park which was a massive beautiful forest with all kinds of outdoor activities families were likely to enjoy. Now yanked from under all of this, I actually felt very sad. Yet tried to suppress this by going within myself like I didn’t really care:however it was just the opposite. Really like HCA, the rest of the students, the faculty including the teachers. Felt like part of it, a sense of belonging. The midwest was altogether different. Indpls is the crossroads to America which is well known. However at the tender age of sixteen, I was out of my realm. A different school which in my view was cold uninviting. Although my father was making quite more money and a better position, the family did a lot more arguing than usual no different than anywhere else regardless of the habitat. My aunt and uncle occasionally visited. I was very happy to see them, however my parents became distant which I could never understand and then just gave up as to why. Again I went within myself, as a way of coping, I guess. And of course there was John in Maryland. After leaving we began writing letters and sent photos We both wrote long letters. That was really a highlight.