“Constitution”

This title was used frequently by my father in reference to me. He would always talk in riddles so I didn’t pay much or if any attention. However out of curiousity these many years later looked up the definition. Believe it or not it was complimentary and coming from him, it was extraordinary. As I went into the house, it was unusually quiet, as all were sleeping. I climbed the stairs and for some reason it was crackling at every sound I was making even though I was as softly as possible. Turned the door knob to the room and entered. Couldn’t go to sleep obviously so I looked out the bedroom window and viewed a bright star in the totally black sky. That star showed I wasn’t completely alone, that for some reason I had company. One day went into another without any notice from me as I was bound with several emotions all at once yet couldn’t say or show them. Just bottled it up as usual. Then exactly three weeks to the day John left, I got a letter from him postmarked Phoenix. I again carefully opened it. It was polite, respectful like the rest. It started out as “My Dearest Grace,” Went on after the cordialities, by saying that I got this girl pregnant and had to marry her, didn’t love her either. John said ” I love you”:someday you will find someone who is worthy of you”. The letter was a page long. I took all his letters and photo and burned them in the incinerator. I cried and cried till there weren’t any tears to fall from my eyes. Then thought of the conversation we had, thought that I made a good decision as I turned down his proposal. I thought to myself I was very unhappy then and bringing a child into the world just wouldn’t be good at that time. I was infatuated with John. Why ruin my life and his too? Better to have loved and lost{ which in my case I won) than never to have loved at all. Glad I had that experience.

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